Or, why being a Type 9 is harder than it seems
My Enneagram addiction began during the pandemic.
We weren’t allowed to go anywhere or be inside with people, but we were all starved for socialization. So my friends and I met under a gazebo in the backyard. We bundled up with blankets and brought snacks and wine and started a “podcast club.”
It was a simple concept, really: take turns picking a podcast episode, listen to it, sit outside in the cold, and talk about it.
One week we talked about the Enneagram. I had heard of it before but didn’t know my type nor really cared to learn. You see, I hate personality tests. I don’t like being put in a box… mostly because I’ve never figured out what box I fit into. I have always—ALWAYS—straddled the lines between different “types,” never fitting clearly into one type. For example, I am convinced my MBTI is I/E, S/N, T/F, J/P. Which is to say, all of them and none of them.
So when we did the Enneagram test, I was equally confused about which number I was, because I felt like they all sort of fit to a degree.
And then I read something like, “Type nines are the most likely to think they are a little bit of every type and have, therefore, the hardest time typing themselves.”
My entire life came into focus: I’m a nine.
On being a nine and not knowing myself
Once I landed on being a type nine, I got fully sucked into the whole Enneagram world. For once, I was reading about a personality type that I very much identified with and could see myself in.
I followed Instagram accounts, I read blogs, I listened to podcasts. I learned a lot about being an Enneagram 9 and boy oh boy was it really eye-opening and, honestly, hard to hear.
Just read some of these key descriptions about Enneagram nines:
- “Type Nine is without question the type that mistypes themselves most often. It’s connected with the nature of the Type itself: Nines have the biggest capacity of all types to assume the views of other types because they are so unselfconscious. As a result, they have the least defined sense of self.” (Personality Path)
- “Average Nines have little sense of who they are apart from those they have identified with; hence, they are usually at a loss to know where to begin to find their type.” (Enneagram Institute)
- “However, what they [Type Nines] generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity.” (Enneagram Institute)
- “Nines get into the habit of forgetting themselves and going along with the wants and needs of other people.” (Truity)
Over and over again I read and learned about how this type has no sense of self-identity—they don’t know themselves. They forget themselves. They merge with other people. They don’t know their wants and desires. They have a low sense of self.
Phew.
It was all news to me.
You’d think I’d already know this, but I didn’t. The basic desire of an Enneagram 9 is to have inner stability and peace of mind. We don’t like to rock the boat and we always want harmony. So, we go along to get along. We appease others, get along with others, follow others, and resist the disruption it takes to declare and own your own personality.
But I didn’t realize all this until I really stopped to look at things. I resonated deeply with examples of the Enneagram 9 who responds with, “I don’t mind where we go, you choose” and “No problem” or “Sure, that works for me if it works for you.”
I resonated deeply with the depictions of Enneagram 9s who numb out through things like TV or food (pick your vice of choice) during periods of stress.
And, perhaps most of all, I resonated deeply with the countless memes that regularly called me out as a nine.
On rebuilding my personality and personal growth
This all struck a nerve I didn’t know I had and the new insight into my personality was overwhelming. It was a new level of self-awareness that I didn’t want, quite frankly.
But I couldn’t unknow it.
I knew it! I knew I was a nine! I knew I had trouble with self-identity! I knew it was hard for me to advocate for myself! I knew a lot of my life was passively going with the flow!
So what the heck was I going to do about it?
Well, in true Enneagram Nine fashion—not much. Or probably by taking many naps.
But over time, I’m coming around to this piece of my personality. I’m letting the information push me into action and growth rather than frustration. I’m learning more about how I’m wired and what my “default” mode is so I can grow and improve.
Practically, this looks like:
- Learning strategies for motivation, like setting a schedule or accountability metrics.
- Practicing making decisions for myself, even if they’re small things.
- Addressing some of these self-identity questions in therapy.
- Asking questions to myself like, “do I really like this food I always eat or is it just convenient?”
It’s an ongoing process, but the increased self-awareness of my personality through the Enneagram framework is now a key part of my journey of personal development and growth.
The initial painful knowledge around not having a sense of self has now morphed into an opportunity to develop one. Instead of continuing to live my life blissfully unaware that I wasn’t truly living for me, I can start to live my life on my own terms.
Self-awareness and growth—it’s the curse and the blessing of the Enneagram and I hope you get to experience it too.
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